


Science Doesn't Have an Answer For This

by inkheart9459



Series: Scientific Inquiry [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Student/Teacher AU, Unrequited Love, forbidden love au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkheart9459/pseuds/inkheart9459
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going into her junior year Regina is excited about learning new things, especially in her AP chemistry class. Science has always provided her with answers when other things have not. When she walks in, she finds not the old man who has been teaching chemistry at Storybrooke High forever, but a young blonde who attracts her interest in ways she hasn't quite learned how to describe yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Science Doesn't Have an Answer For This

There were very few things in Regina’s life that made her happy. Science was one of those things. She loved the fact that science could tell you how the world worked, it could tell you why people acted as they did, where stars were and how they kept burning in a vast universe of almost nothing, why disease happened, why some chemicals reacted and some didn’t. Anything you could want to know, science had an answer for, or could find an answer for if it didn’t already exist. And for Regina, that was always a great comfort.

She breathed in the fresh air on her first day of junior year. She was taking AP chemistry this year. She was excited, so very excited to do experiments. AP biology had been great the year before with its dissections, but there was something just so inherently exciting about chemistry experiments that other disciplines didn’t have. She shut the door on her Benz and walked into school.

The high school was familiar. Storybrooke was small and the middle and high schools were combine. She had been going to school here since she was twelve years old. She could walk the halls with a blindfold she was sure. It was comforting when her life descended into chaos as it often did.

And so she knew exactly where her chemistry class was first block. It had been the only chemistry room for years. She walked in expecting to see the same old, grey haired man who had been teaching chemistry for as long as anyone remembered, but instead she saw a young, probably fresh out of college, blonde woman writing on the board in a just legible scrawl. She turned towards Regina, since she was the first in the room as always. The blonde smiled.

“Good morning, take a seat wherever.”

Regina stared for just a moment longer before retreating to the first table right in front of the board. She set her things down carefully and looked back up at the teacher who was still writing. Why in the world was her heart beating so fast? It wasn’t as if she had ever had this problem with teachers before. She got along with teachers more easily than she did people her own age sometimes. Except for Ruby and Daniel and Kathryn, she really didn’t have friends her age. But teachers, she was friends with more than a few of them, especially her former science teachers.

She swallowed hard and shook herself. It was just from the shock of expecting one person and getting another. That was all. She could recover from this and get her body into line. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

The teacher turned around and smiled at Regina. “I really didn’t think anyone would show up for another five minutes. God knows I never showed up until I had to in high school.” She smiled at Regina again.

Regina felt as if she had forgotten how to breathe again. “I don’t usually hang out in hallways more than I have to.” She looked down. “It’s a bit too noisy for my liking.”

“Ah, I get you.”

Regina looked up at the odd teenaged word choice.

“Quiet used to be hard to come by when I was younger.” The teacher shrugged.

A few more kids finally trailed in and the teacher greeted them all with a smile. She stepped away from Regina’s table and started to gather more things for class and setting them around the board.

Regina finally saw the name that was written on the board, Miss Swan. She blinked and looked back at Miss Swan. She certainly didn’t look like a swan, she wasn’t graceful at all. But she had an easy smile and maybe that was enough.

Class started soon after the first stream of students came in. Regina took notes diligently and listened to every single word, but her heart didn’t stop beating hard the entire class. She wondered what that meant and if science had an answer for her.

When the bell rang for first block to end, Regina packed up more quickly than normal, but she was still one of the last people in the room. She frowned. Miss Swan was up at the front erasing the board and writing over what she had at the beginning of class for her next block. Regina went to move around her and try to slip out of the room unnoticed but the teacher turned around and smiled at Regina and Regina stopped in her place.

“You said your name was Regina, right?” She titled her head just slightly to the side.

“Yes, I did.”

“Regina, Regina, Regina,” Miss Swan repeated a few times while still staring at her. “Sorry, good with science, not so great with names. Have a nice day, Regina.”

Regina swallowed hard once before she could speak. “You too, Miss Swan.” She nodded and fled from the room, heart beating loudly in her ears and her hands covered in a cold sweat.

 

Days and then weeks went by. Regina found that she could ignore the pounding of her heart and deal with the occasional sweating palm, but those symptoms never really went away. Class really got into full swing, they breezed through conversions and into more chemical related things, ideas about matter and physical and chemical properties, in much more detail than any class had ever gone before. Regina was loving it, it was so very informative and already a great deal of things were becoming clearer that hadn’t been before.

But still, there was no answer to why exactly her heart sped up so much during class, and even more so when Miss Swan smiled at her. She had tried looking it up online, but found no scholarly articles on the subject, just foolish newspaper articles and blogs all about love. She had no time for things that weren’t proven scientifically. She supposed she would keep looking and if nothing else, deal with it as she had been, by ignoring it. It wasn’t as if she had anyone to ask. Her mother would scoff at her and call her a foolish child and that was the last thing Regina wanted.

Regina had taken to staying after school to help tutor the other kids in chemistry. Miss Swan had had too many to take care of on her own, and Regina had jumped at the chance. She wasn’t sure why, she didn’t want to teach, most of her peers irritated her because they didn’t just naturally understand even after a well put together explanation, but yet she had done it anyway. It would look good on college applications if nothing else. And Miss Swan was kind and helping her out couldn’t be all bad.

She had found herself more than once just staring at Miss Swan when she was supposed to be going over the difference between chemical and physical properties once again, but no one had said anything about it, so she just ignored it. The woman had a gravity to her that just attracted everyone’s gaze, it was nothing at all.

She had also taken to helping clean up after a long day of labs on the days where tutoring wasn’t available. And that was where she found herself three months into the year, scrubbing down a bench that some idiot had let a silver nitrate mixture spill all over. She scrubbed and scrubbed, but she felt like it would never all come up and the bench was never going to be the same color again. Idiots.

Miss Swan peaked over her shoulder. “Not coming up well, is it?”

Regina gritted her teeth. “No, it isn’t.” She looked up at the other woman. “I think next time you should have whatever…person that spilled this much silver nitrate clean it up after class themselves.” She huffed. Tidying up she could understand. They were under time constraints to clean up and get to the next class, but this? This was intolerable.

Miss Swan snorted. “Yeah, well, he was on the _football_ team and god knows he just couldn’t miss practice.” She made an overdramatic crying face and walked over to another bench.

“Yes, well, that is how it’s always been around here.” She scrubbed a little harder. She hated the pecking order in the school, she really and truly did.

“Shouldn’t be. I know I hated it, and you must too considering you’re probably the smartest one here.” Miss Swan shrugged.

Regina smiled at that. Over the months of tutoring and cleaning up the lab, she and Miss Swan had formed a rather nice friendship. And every time they had conversations like this, where the line between student and teacher blurred just a bit, Regina’s stomach flipped. She was coming to treasure the conversations just as much as she did her knowledge of science.

“I do, but there isn’t exactly a way to change it. Storybrooke resists change like xenon resists chemical reactions. It can happen, but only in very special cases and only with great amounts of energy.”

Miss Swan laughed at that. “That’s a pretty good analogy really.” She straightened up a few more things at the other benches. She frowned at the room as a whole and shrugged. “Good enough. You can stop scrubbing that as long as you think you’ve gotten everything up. It’s a lost cause for staining. Besides, no need for you to waste your time correcting Robin’s mistake.”

Regina did one last once over of the bench with the sponge before straightening everything else out and returning to the groups of desks and starting to gather her stuff. Miss Swan was at her computer, glasses on, entering grades. Regina’s heart always thumped so loudly she could hear it in her ears when she saw Miss Swan in those glasses. She just looked so…different. Regina didn’t know a better word for it, but she was sure there was one out there if she just looked for it.

“I’m going to head out if that’s all you need for today.” Regina approached Miss Swan’s desk and stood in front of it with hands gripped in front of her.

Miss Swan smiled up at her. “Ok, cool, thanks for your help as always, Regina. Definitely helps me out, especially when I have so much to freaking grade.” She groaned and tossed her head back. “Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching, but Jesus the grading.”

“I could help you, if you wanted.” Regina wanted to bite her own tongue. She was already doing enough for Miss Swan and offering to grade other student’s papers was way out of line. Miss Swan was going to think she was some sort of freak or trying to get ahead in any way possible or something equally horrible.

Miss Swan bit her lip and tilted her head from side to side for a few seconds considering. They were the longest few seconds of Regina’s life as she waited for the axe to fall on her head yet again. She always had a way of driving off the people she liked, this would be no different. She was never good enough, her mother told her so.

“I guess you could.” She dug in her stack of papers. “These are multiple choice tests and the key is on top. Just mark through the ones they got wrong in red and put the total number they missed at the top of the first page, if you would?” She shot a hopeful look at Regina and handed her a red pen.

Regina smiled at her. “Sure.” She dropped her stuff at the nearest desk to Miss Swan’s and started to go through the tests quickly enough. They sat in silence for a while, grading, the scratch of pens the only sound in the room. Regina sighed. This was nice. They could talk and sitting in silence wasn’t awkward either. She had so very few people she knew that she was comfortable enough to do both.

She made her way through the stack quickly enough. Most of the students had done well and by the time Regina was through the first ten she had the pattern of answers memorized and didn’t need the key anymore. She doubled checked everything quickly before she stood up and offered the pile to Miss Swan.

Miss Swan looked up at her. “Wow, done already? That was ridiculously fast. You should become a teacher. You might be the only one that wouldn’t be bogged down in grading.”

Regina laughed. “I don’t think that’s what I’m going to do. I want to be some sort of scientist, but I haven’t decided on the discipline yet.”

A smile met the statement. “Yeah, I think that will fit you well. Besides, if you became a teacher you might end up in another Storybrooke, and who wants that.”

Regina laughed. “Not me, I’d like to live somewhere different, maybe another small town, maybe a medium sized city, not sure. I just know that a big city is probably not for me.”

“Ah, I like big cities. I went to school in Boston. It was great. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, even when you had like no money. But I had to go where a job was, so here I am. Maybe someday I’ll go back somewhere else.” She shrugged.

They fell into a short silence. “Is there anything else you need, Miss Swan?” Regina asked after a minute.

She shook her head. “Nah, there’s still more grading to do, but I think I might just pack it up and head home. Grading on the couch in front of an episode of Parks and Rec with some beer makes it go faster.”

“Ok, see you tomorrow then.” She gathered up her stuff and headed for the door, a pang of sadness rocketing through her at the thought of leaving. “Bye Miss Swan.”

“Bye,” she called back, digging around for a bag.

Regina walked out into the parking lot and towards her Benz. Dark was approaching fast now. She hated living in the extreme north of the United States sometimes. The days shortened so very rapidly. She popped her doors open and put her stuff inside. She slid into the front seat, wincing at the cold leather as she stuck the keys into the ignition. She turned the keys but nothing happened. And again, and still nothing. She frowned and reached up to hit the overhead light and it didn’t come on. She groaned out loud as the realization hit her. Her battery was dead and she didn’t have jumper cables.

She picked up her phone and dialed her mother. Daddy would be busy until a few hours later since he was on the afternoon shift at the hospital and her mother was her best bet. She just hoped she wasn’t having dinner with a client or—her mother’s phone went straight to voicemail. Or she’d have her phone off. Regina didn’t curse much, but she certainly felt like it in that instant.

She got back out of the car. The school was in a residential neighborhood, surely someone around would have jumper cables for her car. She didn’t even want to think about the lecture her mother was going to give her. It was going to be all her fault that her battery had just reached a point where the chemical reaction had slowed enough to not provide energy. She rubbed her temples and started to walk towards the closest neighborhood.

“Regina?” Miss Swan’s voice called out.

Regina whipped around to see Miss Swan laden with a few heavy looking bags. “I thought you’d already taken off?” Her teacher continued.

“I meant to, but it seems my battery is dead.” Regina felt herself blushing. It was a stupid mistake. It was cold, she knew that slowed down reactions, she should have gotten it replaced before winter temperatures started to sink in.

“Oh, that sucks. Hold on a sec, I might have jumper cables.” She continued to walk towards a bright yellow VW Bug. Regina’s lip curled at the sight of it. _That’s_ what Miss Swan drove. What in the world.

Miss Swan threw her stuff in the passenger’s seat and popped the trunk, looking through the refuse piled in the back for a few minutes before huffing and giving up. “Looks like I don’t have any after all. So much for being prepared for everything.” She slumped back against her car. “Do you have anyone to call?”

Regina shook her head. “My father’s at work until nine and my mother’s phone is off.”

“Well, that sucks even more.” She bit her lip again. “I can give you a ride home at least since I can’t jump you.”

Regina blushed even harder at the unintended double entendre in Miss Swan’s sentence. “I, uh, that would be nice.” She finally managed to stutter out.

“Can’t leave my best student stranded in an empty school parking lot, now can I?” She smiled at Regina.

Regina swore she was about to stop breathing. How in the world did this woman affect her so much? She was just a teacher like every other she’d had in the last twelve years of school she’d had.

“Just let me get my stuff from my car.”

Miss Swan nodded and shut her trunk. “I’ll start her up then. The old Bug takes forever to get warm.”

Regina rushed over to her car and grabbed out all her things. She wasn’t exactly sure when she’d be back to get it. Maybe after Daddy had gotten off of work. Then he’d probably switch her cars for tomorrow and take hers in before work to get the battery replaced. Hopefully that’s what would happen anyway. Mother, if she was lucky wouldn’t even have to know.

She returned to Miss Swan’s car and slipped in the passenger’s seat with her stuff. It was a slightly cramped fit even though she wasn’t that tall. Then again the Bug wasn’t exactly a big car. She fit herself in as best as she could and smiled over at Miss Swan.

“So where do you live?” She asked, rubbing her hands together.

Regina wondered how she wasn’t absolutely freezing. Miss Swan was only in a red leather jacket. “On Mifflin Street, if you know where that is.”

The older woman pursed her lips and thought about it for a second. “Is it right off Main?”

Regina nodded. “Yeah, my house is at the end of the road, the big white one. It really is hard to miss.”

“Ok, well, if I’m about to miss the turn just tell me. The Bug has good breaks if nothing else.” She laughed and shifted the car into gear and they were off.

The puttered along for a minute before Miss Swan spoke up again. “Hey, what do you think about doing the experiment where you can turn a penny silver and then gold right before we go on Thanksgiving break? I think the kids would like it, I mean it’s dramatic and it’s not completely ridiculous to set up.”

“I haven’t read about that one, what does it entail?” Regina herself was actually rather excited about the prospect. It seemed like an interesting experiment.

“All it takes is distilled water, zinc sulfate, a crucible, tongs, oven mitts, and a Bunsen burner. You take the zinc sulfate, dissolve it in the water in the crucible and heat it for ten minutes. That gives you the silver penny then you take the silver penny and run it through the Bunsen burner flame and it turns gold.”

“That sounds interesting. I think it would be a good before break activity.” Regina smiled widely.

“Oh good, I’ll put that on my lesson plan for that week. I mean, hopefully we won’t have any near death accidents or anything, but hey, science.” She waved a hand in the air like it was of no consequence.

“Some of the boys will be interesting to control.”

“Good thing about being chemistry teacher is that you get to boot people out of lab no questions asked. They even look at the flames wrong and bye bye birdy.”

She turned down Mifflin Street and started to look for the white house that Regina had told her about. Regina knew the minute she spotted it, a whistled escaped Miss Swan’s mouth. Regina sunk down a little in her seat. She hated this part sometimes.

“Wow, nice house.”

Regina braced for more, the comments that she was lucky that she was loaded, but it never came. She sighed instead and said, “I suppose it is.”

Miss Swan looked at her for a second, concern on her face before looking back at the road. She pulled into her home’s driveway a minute later. Regina started to gather her stuff but a hand on her arm stopped her. Regina looked up to find Miss Swan looking at her intently now.

“Regina, is everything ok?” She glanced up at the house in front of them and it was very clear what she meant.

Regina opened her mouth to say it was. She always said that it was. Her mother had too far of a reach for her not to say that everything was completely happy smiles at her house, but she couldn't bring herself to this time.

She just opened the door and stepped out of the car. “Thank you for the ride home, Miss Swan.” She moved to shut the door.

“Regina, wait.”

Regina grabbed the door at the last second to keep it from shutting. Miss Swan leaned over the console of the car and handed Regina a scrap of paper with a telephone number on it. Regina reached out and took the paper and looked at it for a long moment before she looked back at her teacher.

“Listen, I may not know anything at all, but if anything does happen and you need to talk, just text me ok? I’m up at weird hours all the time so it doesn’t even matter what time.” She paused for a second. “Seriously, I mean it. I didn’t exactly have the best home life growing up either. I was a foster kid. And I know that’s not what you’re going through, but an ear that might understand it better than almost all of your peers can help, you know?”

Regina felt tears welling in her eyes. No one had really ever cared enough to see beyond the shining girl who had straight As and was completely and utterly polite. They hadn’t prodded at some of her more off color answers, they’d just let it be, but Miss Swan had reached out. Regina felt the overwhelming urge to crawl back in the car and hug the woman, but she didn’t. Instead she just smiled a small, watery smile.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Regina. Let me know how it goes with your car, ok?”

She nodded. “I will. Bye, Miss Swan.”

“Goodnight, Regina.”

Regina closed the door and walked up to her front door. Miss Swan stayed in the driveway until she had the door open and then slowly backed out. She stepped inside the house and shut the door behind her. The next second she was leaning against the piece of wood and glass, staring up at the ceiling feeling lighter than air and happier than she had in a long while. Her heart was still beating hard and she was blushing up a storm, but it didn’t matter in that moment.

She sighed after a minute and climbed up to her room. She really and truly couldn’t wait for school the next day, worse than usual.

 

It was almost the end of January before she realized what was truly going on, why her heart beat so loudly when she was around Miss Swan, why she thought about the woman constantly, why she was so very willing to do anything and everything that the woman wanted of her. She was sitting in the middle of her first block class, looking at Miss Swan writing on the board and it hit her like a freight train.

She was bisexual. And she was head over heels in love with Miss Swan.

All those stupid sources on the internet had been right. There was no other conclusion that it could be. She wasn’t much for listening to movies and cultural stereotypes, it was so very hard to prove, but then again wasn’t anthropology a science that studied such societal idiosyncrasies? How each society expressed love was documented by scientists, even if it was a soft science, it still stuck to the scientific method all the same.

Regina swallowed hard and tried to digest the news. She hadn’t considered herself anything other than straight, but if she viewed her life in the lens of being bisexual, there were so many things that made sense that hadn’t before. She set her pencil down and rubbed at her face. Mother would never approve. People who weren’t what she considered completely normal in her books never got ahead in life, and that was Regina’s sole purpose according to her mother.

And never mind the fact that she was bisexual, what in the world was she supposed to do about the knowledge that she was in love with a teacher? Regina never stepped over the line of proper, but now it seemed not only had she stepped over the line but she had taken a flying leap. Suddenly the butterflies in her stomach turned to true nausea.

The first person she had ever fallen in love with and not only was it a woman, but there was no way it could happen. Miss Swan was a teacher. There were so many things wrong with that, so many. If anyone ever figured out that Regina harbored this affection for Miss Swan it could lead to trouble for them both. But it really didn’t matter to her if she got into hot water. It mattered more to her that Miss Swan would be hurt. She would lose her job. She might become completely un-hirable anywhere, not just in teaching jobs. Regina swallowed down all the emotions she felt. She couldn’t let that happen. She had grown far too close to Miss Swan, she cared too much, to ever let anything bad happen.

She took a deep breath. But now she had realized that it wasn’t just a kindred spirit she found in Miss Swan. How exactly could she go back to ignoring everything as before? Science never went backwards. She didn’t think she could either. This was a turning point. There was no going back, but there was no going forward either. She would be stuck.

Her heart physically hurt at the thought. She was always stuck. She was stuck in Storybrooke until graduation, stuck following her mother’s plans for her instead of her own, stuck with so few people who understood her. She didn’t want to be stuck now, not when she had found someone who worked with her so effortlessly, who truly cared about her.

She could pull away.

Regina balked at that. She couldn’t pull away. That would be even worse. And so the choice was made for her. She couldn’t let her feelings be known and she couldn’t distance herself either. The only option was to continue on as it had been and hope against hope that she could hold it together for the rest of the year.

She wanted to groan as she thought of how many more months there were until the end of the year. How in the world was she supposed to make it through like this? She was dying at the thought and it was only really the first day. She supposed she would because she had to. She made it through everything her mother threw at her one day at a time. This would be no different.

The bell rang for the end of the period. Regina blinked out of her stupor. She looked up at the board and recognized nothing that was written there. She wondered how long she had spaced out for.

“Regina?” Miss Swan asked, concern was written all over her face. “Are you ok?”

Regina nodded slowly and started to gather up her stuff. It was a good thing that she completely understood reaction rates and constants and how to solve for them or she would be in rather bad shape.

“Are you sure? You’ve been acting like you feel sick for half of class. Does your stomach hurt? Or is it something else?”

Regina managed to paste a smile on her face. She found it wasn’t so hard since she was looking at Miss Swan. “I’m fine, truly. I just didn’t get a great amount of sleep last night and must have spaced out. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Miss Swan frowned and looked at the door of her classroom. She looked back at Regina for a second before deciding something. She strode to the door just as it opened to let in the first people for the next block. Miss Swan held up a hand.

“Could you guys go back out into the hallway for a second? And keep everyone in the class out there until I come get you?”

The students in front of her nodded and stepped back out of the door.

Miss Swan turned back to Regina. “Regina, seriously, what’s wrong? The smile was a nice touch and all, but your eyes give you away every time.”

Regina felt like crying. The woman had delayed her next class for her. Her own mother would barely give her the time of day and yet Miss Swan would take time out of her work day and could get in trouble for it, and she did it anyway. Why in the world did she have to fall for a teacher? Why not someone her own age who did things like this?

She groped for something to tell Miss Swan because she definitely couldn’t tell her the truth. Her mother was a safe bet. Miss Swan already knew a great deal about her from a few late night text messaging sessions in the few months since Miss Swan had given Regina her number. But then again she would wonder why Regina hadn’t texted her if something was truly wrong. She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands.

“It’s my mother. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but she’s just being difficult again and it’s been hard to deal with. I really didn’t get much sleep because of it. It _is_ really what’s wrong and why I spaced out.”

She felt Miss Swan’s hand on her back the next second making a few slow circles, trying to be as soothing as possible. Regina felt her head swimming at the fact that Miss Swan was touching her for longer than a fleeting second. She sighed and slumped further into the table.

“Is it anything you want to talk about?” Miss Swan asked quietly.

“No, it’s just the same conversation where she lays out what she wants me to do with my life and it isn’t what I want. I told her so and it didn’t go over well as it doesn’t every time I try to object.”

“Ok. You know I’m available to talk if you want.” She patted Regina’s back a few times and then withdrew.

Regina looked up and smiled at the other woman, sad and bittersweet. “I know.”

 

Regina felt it warming up slowly but surely. It was April now. School was ending in a month and a half. Somehow she had managed to almost make it through the entire year with her love of Miss Swan a secret. She was amazed. But it had taken its toll on her. Nights where she was alone, where her father was off at work and her only ally at home was gone, there were times when her chest would hurt so badly Regina thought she was dying. She had taken to writing down everything because it had been shown to help such things. Regina didn’t know if it did or not, but it had become a habit now and she wasn’t keen to break it.

She wondered what it would be like next year when she didn’t have Miss Swan in class. She wondered if the pain would get better or worse. She didn’t even want to think about it if it got worse. She didn’t know how she would survive; she was barely getting by as is.

And yet Miss Swan was one of the few people who could make her truly happy and so the pain would be worth it, she supposed. She could still come in and help clean up after lab. She doubted that anyone else would volunteer for that job. They could still see each other, just perhaps not as much. Maybe that way she could wean herself off of Miss Swan slowly and maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t feel like ice picks were being jammed into her chest on random nights when she overthought everything and nothing.

She was texting Miss Swan almost every day now. Miss Swan hadn’t said anything about it, only continued to text her back. The conversations had shifted away from her mother and her problems into just normal conversations about things that had happened during the day, tv shows they were watching, anything at all that they had found interesting. Regina felt herself falling harder with everything that she learned about the other woman. She knew it wasn’t good for her and yet she didn’t care. If she got nothing else out of this she was gaining a true friend.

Regina had had idle thoughts of telling Miss Swan about everything after graduation. But graduation was over a year away for her. It was such a long time, but then again if she waited that long then it wouldn’t have to be a secret anymore. She wouldn’t be a student at Storybrooke High School and then everything would be ok. There were only five years between them. Outside of the student teacher boundaries they would be completely fine. No one would look twice at them.

Those thoughts were enough to get her through the worst nights. She’d imagine different situations of telling Miss Swan about how she loved her and then play out what would happen afterwards. They were all positive of course, they were her own fantasies, so why shouldn’t they. In some it would take a while for everything to work out, but it did eventually and Regina was ok with that. Those fantasies would probably be the more realistic ones anyway. She might as well prepare herself.

Regina was cleaning up another lab. They were getting into the organic chemistry portion of the class. She liked it well enough, but it didn’t come as intuitively as the more inorganic part of the course, though her grades were still the highest in the class. The experiments were harder to clean up as well, what with organic solvents having to be disposed of specially and special cleaners used. She didn’t mind it, though, it was just busy work.

Miss Swan was cleaning the hood in the classroom out, scrubbing hard. One of her classmates had spilled a great amount of one of the solvents and now she was having to clean every single nook and cranny to make sure it wouldn’t be around to react with anything in the remaining experiments they did in class. She had stripped down to a white tank top and her arm muscles were making Regina imagine more than a few inappropriate things that she could do with such muscles.

“Hey, Regina, have you signed up for classes yet?” Her voice was muffled by the plexi-glass, but Regina could still understand her, if only barely.

“We just did the first day today, why?” Regina washed out another beaker with soap and water and then rinsed with distilled before setting it on the rack to dry. Careless students who didn’t clean up even the most basic things were the bane of her existence right then.

“Are you signing up for workbase?” She pulled herself out of the hood and threw another wad of paper towels in the special bag she had going.

“I was thinking about it. There isn’t really much more for me to take. I’ve taken all the AP classes that Storybrooke has to offer, save one, and I signed up for AP Physics for next year, then I only have my last English credit and government to take and that’s it.”

“You should. I could totally use a helper to grade and set up labs, basically what you already do, but at least you’d get school credit for it.” Miss Swan shrugged.

Regina smiled. “I’ll sign up then. Better than taking yet another fluff class.”

“Awesome. So awesome. You don’t even know how awesome you are right now.” She turned and returned to cleaning the hood while Regina just smiled and smiled as she finished the last of the cleanup. She would get to see Miss Swan next year on a regular schedule. She felt like dancing, but instead she just put glassware away.

 

Regina thought that a summer might temper her feelings for Miss Swan. But since she still texted the woman almost every day perhaps her thoughts weren’t very on point to begin with. She walked into school for her senior year and almost started to squeal for joy. She was back. She was going to learn.

And she was going to spend more time face to face with Miss Swan.

But first she had AP Physics. She was part irritated and excited about that. She wanted to see Miss Swan, but there was more science to be learned. And with her placement of classes, she had Miss Swan last block so she could just stay on afterwards without having to appear from the ether again. She supposed it wasn’t all bad, but she felt like she was going to spend her whole day longing for last period. There were probably worse fates. It was not as if day dreaming for a bit would truly affect her grades.

So she went about her day with a smile on her face. Her friends noticed how happy she was and commented on it, but Regina just told them that she was happy to be back. Since they knew her love of academics they believed her. During this whole ordeal they hadn’t suspected a thing about her involvement with Miss Swan, so why should they now?

 In third block in government she got a bit antsy, but then the bell was ringing and she was flying to her locker to grab her stuff for the end of the day and heading to Miss Swan’s room. She walked in and took a deep breath. It always smelled oddly of chemical laced cinnamon in the room and she didn’t quite know why, but the smell soothed her.

Miss Swan was standing behind her desk rifling through a stack of papers. It was the first day and already her desk was covered in stray paper and a bear claw wrapper from the morning. Regina hid a smile at that. She was completely and utterly unorganized. She’d helped her find more than a few things. It was nice to know that even the beginning of the year didn’t change that.

The teacher looked up at her approach. “Hey, Regina. This class is actually full up, so you’re gonna have to sit at my desk. I hope you don’t mind. I’m trying to get a little table or something that you can sit at when we’re not doing labs, but I haven’t found one yet. The janitors will hook me up when they can.”

“Oh, no it’s fine. If anything it will be more of a pain for you than for me.” She smiled at the other woman. Something was unknotting inside her, finally seeing the woman after three months.

Miss Swan shrugged. “Eh, teachers don’t sit much.” She finally found the paper she wanted and pulled it out of the stack with a triumphant noise. “Attendance sheet, finally.” She started to walk out to the front of the room. “There really isn’t much to do since it’s the first day, but I’ll have you walk this up to the office and if you maybe happened to want to organize my desk in a fashion where I can actually find something I’d be grateful. Other than that, my computer has internet. Or you could listen to my lecture.” She laughed and Regina fought the urge to sigh. It had been so long since she’d heard that sound anywhere but her dreams. “But I think you might be a bit bored considering you just took this class, and this isn’t even AP.”

“I think you’d make it interesting all over again.” She placed her stuff down behind Miss Swan’s desk carefully and sat herself in the teacher’s chair. It was odd sitting there. It felt almost taboo but she had permission. She was the only one who could sit here. Warmth suffused her.

The final bell rang and Miss Swan stepped up to the front of the room and started to go over roll. When she was done she handed it off to Regina and Regina took it to the office. It was a bit odd. Workbase students were allowed to go anywhere without a pass without question. It was strange after years of rules and passes and teachers annoyed that you just had to go to the bathroom. Being a senior was about a lot of freedoms that weren’t there before. So far it was a nice kind of odd.

She got back and sat down again, listening absently to Miss Swan going over what the class was about, what they would be doing, the rules, and all of the normal first day things. Regina got down to business organizing everything. She pulled out the container of folders that Miss Swan had and opened the file drawer on her desk. She sorted things quickly into worksheets by subject and topic and put the folders into the desk with nice colorful, large tabs that were easily identifiable. She held no illusions that she was probably going to be maintaining a lot of the filing, but she thought she organized it in a way that would be easily usable by Miss Swan.

When she was done she sat back and just watched Miss Swan teach, watched the way her hair would fall in her face when she got excited about something, watched the way her hands moved with her speech, the way she walked around the room with such an air of confidence. It was nice to be able to just focus on the other woman without having to learn anything. She put her head on her hand and just continued to listen to everything the other woman said. Yeah, this was going to be a good year. She smiled and sighed, looking down at the now clean desk. A really good year.

 

Regina’s hands shook. She wanted to clench them into fists, but she didn’t want the package in her hands to crumple. She had spent so long making sure the wrapping paper was perfect. She couldn’t ruin it now.

She opened the door to Miss Swan’s classroom and went over to her little table and sat down. She could give it to Miss Swan after class. She hoped that she hadn’t made a huge mistake in getting her a present, but she had seen the beanie with a little swan embroidered on the front and it had just been too perfect. She had bought it without a second thought. And now here she was with a wrapped present sitting amongst her things waiting for the class to end.

Regina turned to the pile of tests in front of her and set to grading them. Correcting people’s stupid chemistry mistakes would make time pass. The final bell rang and Miss Swan started to teach and her voice soothed Regina some as it always did. She got done with a class and a half worth of tests before the bell rang for the end of the day. She swallowed and pushed back the pile, looking up as the students scrambled out of the room.

In a minute in a half she and Miss Swan were the only ones left in the room. Regina grabbed the present from her pile of things again and stood, making her way over to the teacher. Miss Swan was erasing the board in broad strokes, shoulders slumped. Regina knew that meant she was so very tired. She wanted to reach out and place a hand on her back in reassurance, but knew it wasn’t her place.

Miss Swan looked over at her. “At least Christmas break is tomorrow, right?” She gave a tired smile. “God knows I need it.”

Regina smiled back, but she wasn’t sure it felt real on her face. The year was halfway over already. In so many ways it had dragged and it so many ways it had gone by in a blink. Her blocks with Miss Swan had flown. Applying for college and so many, many scholarships at her mother’s behest had dragged.

“I think we all need it. It’ll be nice to have a break.”

“Yeah, ugh, but midterms after break is gonna suck. It always does.” She slumped back against the board, now free of dry erase marker and sighed.

Regina lifted the present she held and extended it to Miss Swan. “Well, I don’t have anything to solve the problems of midterms, but maybe it’ll keep you warm in the next few months.”

“This is for me?” Miss Swan’s face scrunched in confusion like she couldn’t quite believe what was going on.

Regina just nodded and nudged the present forward a little more. Miss Swan took it out of her hands and stared at it for a long moment. She fingered the perfect little bow that Regina had tied reverently.

“Wow,” she sounded choked up. “Um, I haven’t gotten a present in a long time. Weren’t really many to go around in the foster system, you know? And my friends in college were always so broke we all just came together and ate a bunch of food and watched cheesy movies without presents.” She wiped at her eyes and looked up at Regina. “Thank you.”

Regina’s smile was much more genuine now. She had done something right. “Of course. I saw it and it was so perfect I just couldn’t not buy it for you. You’ve done so much for me, this doesn’t even begin to show how grateful I am, but I would’ve done it anyway even without that.”

Miss Swan’s smile was watery. “I guess I should actually open it, right?” She laughed.

“It might help,” Regina deadpanned but smiled afterward to take any sort of sting from the comment.

Miss Swan tore the wrapping off carefully, peeling off the paper in one piece, unsticking the tape from the box and setting it aside when she was done. She opened the box slowly and the smile that covered her face when she saw what was inside was almost blinding. She took the hat out of the box and stroked the fabric for a few seconds before putting it on, blond curls splaying out perfectly under the black wool of the hat.

“How do I look?” She was practically vibrating she was so happy.

“It’s perfect.” Regina reached forward and centered the swan on the hat. “Well, now it’s perfect since it’s centered, but it looks great on you no matter what.”

Her hand reached up to touch the beanie, not quite believing it was there. “Thank you, really Regina, this is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s done for me in a long time.”

“You’re welcome, really.”

Miss Swan slipped off towards her desk. “Funny thing, I actually made you something. I was planning on giving it to you tomorrow since it was the last day and everything, but I think this is a good a time as any.” She opened the top drawer right about the file cabinet and drew out a small package. It was wrapped sloppily in newspaper and Regina’s heart melted at the sight. It was just so very Miss Swan.

She walked back over to Regina and handed it to her. Regina hesitated just as Miss Swan had. Her presents at home were all wrapped by professionals and so very impersonal. This sloppy hand job was more than she ever thought she would get. She smiled at Miss Swan so hard her cheeks hurt.

Regina tore into the package, so used to having to be neat that this opportunity to tear everything to shreds was another gift. She looked at the CD case that was unveiled to see Miss Swan’s sloppy handwriting and a list of song titles and artists.

“I know I keep telling you that music helps when I’m super upset, so I made you a CD of my favorite songs. They start out really ridiculously mopey and sad and morph into angry and then they slowly get happier. By the time I’ve listened to the whole thing I’ve gotten a lot of the pent up emotions out, maybe not everything, but I feel so much better afterwards, so it’s something.”

Regina looked up at Miss Swan, trying not to cry. “It’s perfect.” And it was. Just like the wrapping paper at home, her presents were impersonal, things a girl her age should want. This was something tailored for her, something she truly needed.

Miss Swan smiled tenderly. “I’m glad. Let me know how it works. I hope you don’t have to use it anytime soon, but let me know when you do.”

“I will.” She was so very full of love at that moment that it almost hurt, but she felt herself expanding to accommodate it all. That seemed to happen every time she thought she couldn’t love Miss Swan anymore, she would adapt and soon there would be more and more room. She was the universe, ever expanding to accommodate the vast spread of galaxies.

Miss Swan reached forward and wiped a tear from Regina’s face. She hadn’t even realized that she’d let one escape. She leaned just slightly into the touch, unable to help it.

“What do you say we watch some sort of cheesy Christmas movie and fuck grading or whatever. No one is going to be in for tutoring, I guarantee it.”

Regina nodded. “That sounds good.” She settled on top of one of the desks and Miss Swan set up the movie on the projector, clutching her CD to her feeling so very content.

 

“Fuckity fuck fuck!” Miss Swan shouted at the top of her lungs. Regina was glad that there was probably no one around to hear the rant. She didn’t want the other woman to get in trouble.

“What?” Regina walked over to where Miss Swan was digging in her desk.

“I just found a huge stack of ungraded things. Shit, grades are due tomorrow. I’m going to be here all night just trying to save my ass from my own idiocy.” She drug a hand down her face.

Regina looked at the stack. She bit the inside of her lip hard. They were assignments from a few weeks before. She was sure she had graded all of them after digging through Miss Swan’s desk to find everything. The woman could never keep everything organized no matter how well Regina’s filing system worked. She cursed herself. This was her fault. She was there to prevent things like this from happening.

“I can stay and help if you want.” Regina looked up at her, earnest expression on her face. She really did want to fix her mistake.

“I can’t ask that of you. You already stay and help me with so much. It’s already four thirty you should go home. I don’t want you getting in trouble or anything.”

Regina shrugged. “I’ve already finished my homework and already applied to college and for literally every scholarship my mother could think of, she has no grounds to stand on for telling me I need to be home. If I mention I’m doing work at the school mother won’t ask any more questions most likely, anyway.”

“Regina, really, go home.” Miss Swan sent Regina her best commanding glare. Except that it had lost its effectiveness on Regina a while ago. She pulled out the seat at her table, grabbed the first stack of things off the pile of ungraded papers and sat down. She cocked an eyebrow and set to work.

She could feel Miss Swan debating on whether she should insist more, but then she seemed to accept it. She was too far deep in the hole not to. She flopped back down in her own desk chair and pulled off the next part of the stack and set to work.

Regina didn’t end up leaving until almost ten o’clock that night. She had sent one text to her mother to let her know that she wouldn’t be home for dinner and one to let her know that she would be home in time for her ten thirty week night curfew. Her mother hadn’t responded, which didn’t worry Regina. If anything that meant she was wining and dining someone and barely conscious of Regina’s existence. Her father had just texted her to stay safe.

When she got home it was silent and Regina was safe to head up to her room and bask in the glow of helping Miss Swan and getting to spend so much time in her presence.

 

“Regina, are you doing anything later tonight?” Miss Swan asked after school the next day.

Regina looked up at Miss Swan and tilted her head to the side. “No, why?”

“I wanted to thank you for staying so late with me last night and grading papers. I thought I could take you to dinner to make up for it. I mean, free food, right? On Fridays there’s this Mexican place over on the corner of Elm and Main that as this ridiculously good tamale dish and they only serve it on Fridays. Uh, but if you want we could go anywhere, really. I mean you’re the one who helped and all.” She smiled sheepishly.

Regina’s heard was almost beating out of her chest. Dinner? With Miss Swan? It was almost like a date. Regina knew it wasn’t a date, but her heart didn’t care. Inside she was bouncing off the walls and she couldn’t wait.

“The Mexican place sounds good.”

Miss Swan lit up at that. “Oh god, good. I’ve been craving that for like a week. We could go now if you wanted? I mean it’s a little early and all, but like, then at least we beat the weekend dinner rush.”

Regina was more than ready to go. “That’s fine, I really didn’t eat much at lunch.”

She bounced on her toes. “Me either and I’m starving. We can just take my car. I can come back here and drop you off for yours later.”

“Sounds good.” They both gathered up their stuff and set out for the car.

Regina shoved most of her things into her Benz, keeping back her purse before slipping into the front seat of the Bug. Without all of her stuff there it was a lot more comfortable, but Regina would hate to see anyone taller than she was truly try to get into the car. She smiled at the image of someone with their knees up around their head.

“So they’re thinking about new textbooks for next year in the science department. They’ve given me like ten different textbooks to look at and I have no idea where to start. It’s so arbitrary just to pick one.” Miss Swan drummed on the steering wheel as they wait for another car to make its way through the intersection at a stop sign.

Regina thought she looked beautiful in this light, the March sun glinting off her curls, black beanie that she’d gotten her on her head. Music played softly from the old speakers in the car, something Regina recognized from the CD Miss Swan had given her for Christmas, a song by Regina Spektor, she didn’t remember the exact name, not when she was so focused on Miss Swan in front of her. She had wondered at the time if Miss Swan had picked out the song just for the fact that the artist’s name was also Regina. She would’ve liked that.

“I mean, just because one textbook does a really, really good job describing stoichiometry doesn’t mean that it’s going to do a good job explaining balancing equations, you know. I know you deal with the text more than I do, really. What would you say should be some selection criteria?” Miss Swan glanced at her for a second before turning back to the road.

It always felt odd to be asked her opinion, even after almost two years. Warmth kindled in her stomach from the embers that always remained around Miss Swan. “It needs plain language. I could deal well with anything overly technical, but most others couldn’t. I’d put up paragraphs from all the different books up and have students read them and tell you which one they understand the most. Obviously it would work the best if it was all on the same subject and something they hadn’t seen before. If you wanted to narrow it down a bit before that I’d just read through the things that kids have the hardest time with and see which ones you think are best. It wouldn’t really matter if there was a bad description for something easy so much as it would something difficult.” She held her breath. She loved being asked her opinion and she hated it. She didn’t want to seem stupid in front of Miss Swan, even if she knew the other woman wouldn’t think anything of it.

“Hmm, sounds like a good starting place at least. I have like a month before they want my answer. I wish they’d just let me pick my own damn textbook instead of giving me a selection they’ve already narrowed down. There are some great ones, but are they the ones the school ever considers, no.” She drew out the last word into something almost comical.

Regina laughed. “Of course not, Miss Swan, that would make sense and when exactly would a school system make sense?”

Miss Swan snorted. “You’ve got a point there. One day maybe, but today isn’t that day.” She pulled into the parking lot of the small Mexican place. Her stomach growled just as she put the Bug in park. She looked over sheepishly at Regina. “Well, I guess we got here just in time.”

On the inside Regina was melting from the sheer cuteness. It was absolutely foolish, she was sure, but she was past the point of caring. “Seems we have.”

They got out of the car and went into the restaurant. The hostess sat them back in a corner booth. Regina wondered what in the world other people thought about them, just by seeing them. Did they think the two of them were a couple? Did they look like a couple? Outside of school they were close enough in age to be, really. But then again she didn’t want them to think they were a couple just as much as she did. If the wrong person thought that, then Miss Swan would be in trouble. But it was just an innocent dinner invitation. It would be ok because there was nothing going on, but she still didn’t want even a hint of trouble for the other woman.

They ordered, Miss Swan smiling widely at the waitress when she said she wanted the tamale dish. The woman really did love her food. Regina sighed silently before ordering something. She didn’t really remember what. Her father had fed her everything even vaguely Spanish influenced as a child and there wasn’t anything she didn’t like so she would be fine.

The two of them settled into pleasant conversation about whatever came to mind. Regina found it amazing that she never stopped running out of things to talk about with Miss Swan. With others there were of course certain things she knew she couldn’t talk about, but with Miss Swan there weren’t those things. She could tell her anything and it wouldn’t be stupid, she wouldn’t make a face. She valued it more than anything. And the advice she gave whenever Regina was having a problem was priceless. She just wished, more than anything that this, this dinner, could be their every day.

And as everything always did with Miss Swan, it ended far too quickly. The waitress set down the check and Miss Swan snatched it up. She slipped her debit card into the little folder and put it back down where the waitress had put it.

She grinned at Regina. “Can’t have you getting any ideas about trying to go halfsies. Really, you’ve done me a huge favor, so it’s my treat.”

Regina hadn’t been going to protest. Ok, well perhaps maybe, but—

“I saw the look on your face, don’t lie.”

Regina rolled her eyes at that. “Fine, fine, I may have been contemplating it.”

The waitress swung by, picked up the check and whisked their plates away.

“You’ve been a god send this year, I don’t think you really know.” Her grin morphed into a warm smile.

Regina blinked a few times. “No, I think it’s you who’s been the god send. I just organized some papers and graded some things.”

Miss Swan reached across the table and squeezed her hand. These fleeting touches had grown more and more frequent. The more they happened the more Regina found herself waiting for the next one to happen, longing for it.

“Well, I suppose being each other’s god send is a pretty good balance, don’t you think?”

Regina smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. She was happier in that moment than she could ever remember being. “Yeah, I do.”

 

She clutched the letter to her chest. Regina had texted Miss Swan about receiving her acceptance letter the Friday before spring break had begun, but she actually wanted to show it to her in person. For once in her life Regina’s mother had actually said that she was proud of her. She still couldn’t believe it. Somehow that wouldn’t seem real to her until Miss Swan saw it. She didn’t know why, but she wasn’t questioning it.

The period passed in the normal haze of grading papers and the pleasant drone of Miss Swan’s voice. When the final bell rang Regina smoothed out the letter on top of the desk. It had gotten a little wrinkled from her repeated handling, but it was still neat enough. She might have it hung just to commemorate everything. After all, it wasn’t every day that people got accepted to Harvard.

Miss Swan bounced up to her table. “Is that your acceptance letter?”

Regina nodded, looking up at her with wide eyes. Miss Swan picked up the letter and read it over. With every word her smile got bigger and bigger until Regina was sure it had to hurt.

“Wow, Regina, this is so great! I mean I thought you would get in since you’re so bright, but like, college admissions boards can be idiots and not see what they could have. I’m so proud of you I can hardly stand myself.” She looked at Regina with green eyes bright and that smile still firmly on her face.

She shuffled around her desk and grabbed out a wrapped package. Regina tilted her head, not quite understanding what was going on. Miss Swan handed her the package, free hand coming up to scratch at the back of her neck. She looked away from Regina with a light blush on her face.

“I, uh, when you texted me before break I sort of got on the internet and got this for you.”

Regina took the package and tore it open. She opened the box and found a Harvard hoodie staring back up at her. She smiled up at Miss Swan and stood up. She took it out of the box and held it up to her frame. It was a bit too warm at the end of April to actually put the hoodie on, but this would do.

“How does it look?” Regina grinned up at Miss Swan. “Do I look like an actual college girl?”

Miss Swan laughed. “Except for the fact that we’re standing in a high school, yes. It’ll look great on you.”

Regina hugged the sweater to her chest, inhaling deeply and rocking side to side. She swore under the smell of new clothing she could smell a bit of Miss Swan and had to resist the urge to hold it up to her face to find out. Her mother would get her whatever amount of Harvard clothing she wanted, she knew, but this just meant so much more to her.

“Thank you.” She looked at Miss Swan with a small smiled on her face. She set the sweater aside, folding it neatly. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Miss Swan shrugged. “You deserve it. You deserve everything good that comes your way.”

Regina wondered if Miss Swan knew that that also applied to her. She didn’t think so some days, but she hid it well. She only really saw beneath the confident exterior recently and she had been watching carefully for so long.

“So do you.” She shrugged back at Miss Swan. Regina thought about it for a second before stepping forward slowly. She swallowed hard before wrapping her arms around Miss Swan and hugging her for a few long moments. Her heart beat hard in her chest and she knew she was probably blushing from the contact, but it was absolutely perfect for those span of seconds. Miss Swan wrapped her arms around Regina’s back and just held her there. And she loved the smell of Miss Swan, but this close it was intoxicating. She didn’t know how she was going to survive after this knowing how perfect it was.

She stepped back after those few seconds and smiled again. She hoped she hadn’t over stepped her bounds, but then again Miss Swan had hugged her back and hadn’t stiffened under her touch so she was probably ok. The little touches they’d been sharing had been leading up to this anyway, right?

“Really, thank you,” she said again to break the silence. She reached out and stroked the maroon fabric. “This just makes it a little more real. I can’t believe I’m graduating next month.”

Miss Swan laughed. “Yeah, that feeling never actually goes away. You’ll feel weird at your college graduation too. Have you thought about what I said about double majoring?”

Regina nodded. Miss Swan had been the only one to encourage her want of a science degree. Her mother wanted her to get a degree in politics so she could climb her way into the political arena and force her mother’s will on others. Her father couldn’t ever find the backbone to say anything differently even though he was the one she’d gotten her love of science from.

“I looked into it. It seems very possible to obtain both degrees in four years. I think I’ll do it. My mother can’t say anything about it as long as I get the political science degree.”

“You can’t do what she wants forever, Regina.” Miss Swan was more serious than she’d ever seen her.

Regina looked down at the floor. “I know, but it’s just hard, especially now. I can’t pay for college without her. Maybe after college I could…but not now.”

Miss Swan sighed. “I know, I just want what’s best for you.” She reached out and squeezed Regina’s shoulder before letting her hand drop. “Have you decided on what science? I know you were debating between biology, chemistry, and physics the last time.”

“I think I’m going to major in physics. I really do love that class and particle physics seems so intriguing.” She perked up. “Oh, it would just be so great to work at CERN or somewhere similar. Caltech has a wonderful graduate program. I’d love to go there, or maybe MIT, anywhere cutting edge, honestly. I want to learn as much as possible about everything that’s happening. Did you see the article on the Higgs Boson? I would just love to get my Ph. D and do something like that.” She spoke as if the political science degree wasn’t even a thing, like her mother was normal and would encourage her to do anything she wanted. It felt nice to do for once.

“I think you’ll get there, Regina, I really do.” The look on Miss Swan’s face took her breath away, all open, caring, hope and nothing of expectation. And if she didn’t love her before, she loved her then, blinding hot and intense as ever. She supposed that was what love was supposed to feel like, all-consuming like this. Regina found she didn’t mind because it was so very, very worth it. And if what it took to keep her love alive was to hide it, then she would do it gladly.

“Maybe someday.” She smiled, and for once her heart didn’t hurt.

 

She took a deep breath as her class rose as one as the exit song played. She filed out quickly with her row to the upbeat music. Regina was still shaking on the inside a bit from her speech. She had been valedictorian as she knew she would be, but she had forgotten about that honor coming with a speech. She had made it through, if with a few stutters, but she had done it.

Her class bunched up in the early evening light of May. Everyone whisked their caps off their heads and on the count of three they were flying black and silver in the air for a few seconds before they all rained down. It hadn’t quite hit her yet. She had graduated from high school. It was official now. In the fall she would be heading off to Harvard and studying political science and physics. She would finally get to leave Storybrooke behind.

Ruby, Kathryn, and Daniel came crashing up to her, drawling her into a hug. “Can you believe it?” Ruby screamed.

Regina just shook her head. There weren’t any words for this feeling. Something was being ripped from her, but it wasn’t painful. She was ready to let that part go, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel it in a way.

“Your speech was good, Regina, but I thought you were going to vibrate off the stage,” Kathryn smiled at her kindly.

“I thought I was too.” She smiled back, blush coating her cheeks. She wasn’t sure anyone would blame her for the nervousness. Well, perhaps her mother, but that was almost a given.

“Come on, let’s take some pictures.” Daniel whipped out her phone and suddenly they were all crammed together taking a bunch of silly photos in their gowns.

Her friends parents came over and took a few more of them together, much more serious photos. Regina would have to pull them off facebook later. They looked like they would be good to hang up in her dorm room at the start of next semester. Regina hugged her friends as they all disappeared with their family for a few hours between then and their all-night party that the school was holding. She had already brought all of her things and her mother had gotten pictures of her before she had left the house and she knew her mother was probably already long gone. That was how she wanted it. She would hang around town for a few hours after changing in a  school bathroom and then all would be well. She would remain happy in this bubble of strange feelings for as long as possible.

Regina turned to go to her car and grab her change of clothes. The silver robe wasn’t heavy, but it was still approaching eighty degrees and wasn’t exactly extremely comfortable. The shorts and t-shirt that she had brought to change into would feel much better.

She caught a glimpse of Miss Swan in the distance. The woman had chosen to walk in the ceremony just for Regina’s sake. Regina had almost melted when the woman had told her she was going to do it just for her, so she was sure to have someone in the crowd that was truly proud of her for just being her and doing her best in that moment. She had hugged Miss Swan again that day and hadn’t let go for a long time.

Now, she was talking with her friends, Miss French and Graham the gym teacher. She looked happy. Her hair was up in a messy bun, tendrils falling around her face, framing it nicely. She looked good even in the ugly black gown the teachers had to wear. She sighed. She was beautiful and she loved her so very much, but as in the month before, the pain that had started to lessen wasn’t there anymore. In a way she missed it, feeling so much that it hurt, but she knew this was better.

She could go up and tell Miss Swan that she loved her now. She was free to, she was no longer a student. But Regina just stood there and looked at the woman. No, she wouldn’t do that. Even if she wasn’t a student anymore that could still land her in a bit of hot water and now, as before, she never wanted that. The pain wasn’t compelling her to make stupid decisions anymore.

Miss Swan looked back and smiled at her, wide, and so very happy and free. She waved Regina over. Regina returned the smile, tucking her diploma under her arm and walking forward. No, she would make sure Miss Swan would be fine. But there in the dying light of day, that was when she knew they both would be.


End file.
